Home > Political > Theory of Relativity: Liberal Conspiracy?

Theory of Relativity: Liberal Conspiracy?

August 20th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

As Stephen Colbert often says, “Reality has a well-known liberal bias” which of course means that when you look objectively at facts and evidence it often leads to conclusions accepted by most secular-progressives, e.g. citizens in countries with government-run health care have longer average life-expectancies, tax-cuts for the rich don’t actually stimulate the economy, and the earth is more than 6,000 years old.

Rather than adjust their opinions to fit the facts, conservatives often decide to simply obtain different facts. Thus, “Conservapedia” is born—the right-wing answer to that evil godless Wikipedia, which is obviously a liberal plot to destroy Christianity.

One of the most precious gems of knowledge you’ll find on Conservapedia is the entry on Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. Conservapedia is the only site that dares to question this whole “E = MC^2″ nonsense that liberals have been peddling for more than half a century.

Unlike most advances in physics, the theory of relativity was proposed based on mathematical theory rather than observation.

Obviously you can’t trust math. Just because two plus two equals one thing one day doesn’t mean it’ll equal the same thing the next.

And just because clocks on the space shuttle have been observed to tick a bit slower than those on earth doesn’t mean it’s because time is moving slightly faster at those higher speeds—it’s just God playing tricks on us.

The theory rests on two postulates that are difficult to test, and then derives mathematically what the physical consequences should be….This theory rejects Isaac Newton’s God-given theory of gravitation and replaces it with a concept that there is a continuum of space and time, and that large masses (like the sun) bend space in a manner similar to how a finger can depress an area of a balloon. From this proposed bending of space the expression arose that “space is curved.” But experiments later proved that space is flat overall.

No citation is given for the experiments that prove that space is flat, but that’s no reason to assume they don’t exist. After all, as the brilliant philosopher Donald Rumsfeld once said: “the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.”

Here’s another argument they make against the theory:

Nothing useful has even been built based on the theory of relativity.

Oh, I see. Unless something “useful” has been invented as a result of a scientific theory, that theory is probably not true. On the other hand, the science behind the penis-enlarger must be perfectly sound because it’s just so damned useful, isn’t it?

It goes on:

Most conservatives are skeptical since science is supposed to be about finding proof before a theory becomes a fact, not after.

I can’t even be sarcastic about this. It’s just so mind-bogglingly stupid. Ask a scientist—better yet, ask a 10th grade science-student—how often scientists find proof of anything. Science isn’t about finding proof (only mathematical truths can be proven) but about accumulating evidence in support of a theory.

Ask a 5th grade science student about the difference between a theory and a fact, and she’ll explain that a “theory” in the scientific-sense doesn’t mean ‘guess’ but rather an explanatory model of how something in the natural world works, derived through repeated experimentation. A ‘fact’ is something simple like, ‘the sky is blue’. A ‘theory’ attempts to explain why the sky is blue based on what we know about the physical properties of light, the visible spectrum, and the chemical composition of the atmosphere. Theories don’t become facts—they use facts in order to explain other facts.

So why is Einstein’s Theory of Relativity a threat to the American way of life?

Just as “social Darwinism” arose from Darwinism, many seized upon the theory of relativity to apply it in a vague way to morality and social issues. “All things are relative” became popular as atheists and others used relativity to attack Christian values. There remains enormous political support for the theory of relativity that has nothing to do with physics, and Congress continues to spend billions of dollars unsuccessfully searching for particles predicted by the theory of relativity.

Yes, it’s all a big liberal conspiracy to promote Moral Relativism and waste taxpayer dollars on silly endeavors like trying to determine the fundamental nature of the universe.

How you get from the Theory of Relativity to Moral Relativism is not explicitly laid out in this fine conservapedia entry, but I might be able to piece it together if I think hard enough.

The amount of energy in an object is equal to its mass times the speed of light squared, therefore no system of morality is inherently superior to another…? No?

As objects approach the speed of light they approach infinite density, therefore we have no purely rational basis to condemn things like homosexual behavior…? No?

Maybe I’m thinking too hard. Maybe to understand this argument I’ll have to chug half of bottle of whiskey…ok.

Oh, I get it now! Relativity…Relativism. It’s the same word! You just change the last two letters! Damned liberals. Trying to make everyone think the universe is complicated….

From now on I’ll abandon the Scientific Method in favor the Conservative Method for determining truth: If I don’t understand it, it must not be true!

  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.